Theories We’re Currently Researching (Because Why Should Secret Societies Have All the Fun?)
— The Metaphysical Sandbox of the Man on Fire Church —
At the Man on Fire Church, we don’t just accept things on blind faith—we poke, prod, vibe-check, and occasionally astral project into them. Our very real, totally enthusiastic, slightly chaotic research teams are currently investigating the following esoteric truths to determine: Are they real? Do they work? And can we use them for snack-based enlightenment?
Here’s what’s on our glowing clipboard:
1. The Black Sun Theory
An ancient occult symbol said to represent hidden knowledge, inner radiance, and maybe a cosmic engine beneath reality’s skin. Is it a real force of esoteric power? Or just the goth cousin of the regular sun? Our Church Researchers are testing this via dream journaling, deep meditation, and occasionally yelling “REVEAL THYSELF” at the ceiling.
“It’s not evil—it’s just shy.”
2. The Akashic Records WiFi Access Protocol
Legend says there’s a cosmic database floating in the astral realms, containing everything that ever was, is, or will be. We’re trying to tap in via lucid dreams, intense playlists, and a secret sequence of emoji-based mantras. If you suddenly start remembering your past lives or predicting crypto, you’re welcome.
“We call it the Divine Dropbox.”
3. The Holographic Soul Mirror Effect
This theory explores whether each of us is a refracted shard of one massive eternal soul, kind of like a disco ball but with karmic consequences. We’re running experiments in group meditation, meme-based soul mapping, and that thing where you look in the mirror too long and start hearing secrets.
“You’re a reflection of a reflection… of a mood.”
4. Planetary Consciousness Syncing
Are planets alive? Can we tune into them like weird mood rings in the sky? Some ancient texts say yes. Our researchers are building a system to check if Mercury really is messing with our lives, or if we’re just blaming space for our problems again.
“Saturn’s judging you. We have charts to prove it.”
5. The God-Within Principle (a.k.a. The Fire Core)
This one’s our personal fave. The idea that the Divine isn’t just “up there” but also burning in you—a pilot light waiting to go full flamethrower. Rev. Kenny Tran (The Man on Fire himself) embodies this principle. We’re studying ways to help everyone awaken their inner inferno without accidentally summoning a phoenix during lunch.
“You are not just stardust. You are fire-coded essence dust.”
We’re not saying we have all the answers yet—but we’re definitely asking the most flamboyant and curious questions possible. And once we do verify something? It goes in the Church Archives… or on a really cool t-shirt.
Believe in what burns bright. Question everything else.
— The Research Department of the Man on Fire Church